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An Unfolding

Dear sisters.

I want to preface this post with a disclosure. This post includes the word pussy and I even refer to “my pussy”. Using this word in public writing, in particular, using it in connection to myself, is uncomfortable on many levels. First, uh how do I say this? I have some general discomfort focusing attention on that area of my body and any women’s body. Why? While, that is an important tributary to wander along I am not going to do it right now because it deserves it’s own focus. Second, it’s important to me this blog be accessible to women as a resource for leadership …and what does a woman’s pussy have to do with leadership? Ha - well there is a very interesting path to wander on! I think I just discovered a question to include in all interviews! “What does the pussy have to do with leadership?” Hmmm. Anyway...For now I leave it to say I think these are important insights into my story AND I lay them out for you to be explored together on another day. Onward…

Yesterday I woke with a plan. I would drive the 6-7 hours from the SF bay area to Southern California to visit my son for a couple of days. The question hummed in my background…where was the WIL project in this journey? Leaving NoCal at 11am would mean driving through LA commute traffic…was there anyone I knew in LA with whom I could visit during the worst of the traffic. True to a women’s mind - could I multi-task, avoiding traffic and connecting with a sister all at once?

A sister came to mind, a beautiful goddess I had spent time with at an NVC retreat in Bali two and a half years ago. We had not connected since other than a few hugs over facebook messaging and not at all for about a year. I reached out via facebook messenger at 7:09AM “Hi M. I’m driving to Orange County today. I’m wondering if you are in SoCal. If so, I'm wondering if we could get together for an hour or two. I‘m starting a project and I’d really like to interview you for it.” That was my out of the blue proposal. This open hearted sister responded within a couple of hours, “Hi! Yes, I’m in LA. Venice Beach. What time will you come through? I’ve got work today at home.” She then shared her address and I let her know I’d give her an ETA once I was on the road.

And then @ 9:09AM…another thought came to me…

Me: “Hey, I have an idea…any chance I could crash there tonight?”

M: “Absolutely”

Me: “Cool”

M: “Tonight I’m going to the Red Tent Los Angeles. It’s a soiree and celebration of the new book, PUSSY.”

I was at breakfast with a friend while this brief chat was happening and I couldn’t contain my giggles of delight. Could this be more perfect? Geez!

Me: “Ooooo, that sounds amazing. Can I come? It would fit perfectly into my project.”

M: “Yes. Let’s go together. Dinner starts at 6pm”

Jump forward 7 hours and a car ride full of exciting phone conversations with women I had on my list to connect with (another story). I found myself in Venice Beach, walking on the sand and playing in the ocean with a sister I hadn’t seen for 2.5 years. Later that night I was dancing with sisters I had never met before, witnessing the unveiling of their sacred selves, holding space, with fellow sisters, for their vulnerable, strong, alive, juicy feminine power.

Red Tent LA sisters.jpg

In addition to walking away in love with 14 “new to me” sisters, I carried two powerful insights to nourish and fuel me:

  1. The pleasure of my “pussy”, the creative, pleasure center of my body, is not limited to the erotic physical sensations of sex. In-fact, that pleasure is minuscule compared to the pleasure my feminine self brings into my life in the form of my sensual awareness of life everywhere - from the power of the ocean waves beating against my body, to my giggles bubbling through me as I burst to the surface, and the smiles and laughs I share with my sister next to me as she too allows the water to throw her, to the smells of the gardenia’s which bathe me in sweetness when I walk through a manicured walk way, to the sight of the majestic chalice of mountains which hold the sacred water of Lake Tahoe, which unfolds before me when I climb the peeks surrounding my home. Pleasure is everywhere, and my “pussy”, my vessel of creativity, birth, life and pleasure, brings it into my focus, nourishing my soul, fueling my desire to be connected. Awakening to this, and giving myself permission to see my sensual self in all aspects of my life is freeing and empowering.

  2. Growing up, with overwhelming amounts of instability and uncertainty, I often felt alone and lost. During these times there was one place I always felt at home - it was in a church. I could walk into a church anywhere in the world (and did) and feel like I was loved and accepted. This changed for me as I moved into adulthood. Church no longer felt like home or a place of acceptance (please realize this is my personal experience and no comment on churches in general, religious institutions, or the experiences of others). Losing this “home” has been disorienting for me. It was only last night, sitting with these women, that I realized how disorienting this loss has been for me. I felt my broken heart AND the mending of it simultaneously . As I sat with this circle of sisters, who 2 hours before had been unknown to me, and who now felt like friends I could cuddle into and trust, I realized the sanctuary I had been missing, the sacred place which I could turn to and feel at home anywhere in the world was here, in this circle of women, and in circles of women across the globe. I would find them, and I would always have a home in them.

What a day sisters!

This is the power of an open heart. This is the power of surrendering to your WIL and following it’s direction…setting your request and turning it over to life - the universe - God - whatever you want to call it…Your WIL is pulling you to fill your heart and pulling you to fill your life experience. Listen to it and trust.

What voice of desire whispers in your heart sister? What are you afraid will happen in you listen and allow it in? What will happen if you don’t listen to it sister? What is the cost of ignoring your heats desire? What is the reward of surrendering to it? Together we surrender. Together we survive. Together we thrive!

With love and gratitude,


Special thanks to Red Tent Los Angeles and the PUSSY, A Reclamation by Regina Thomashauer, the book that inspired focus of our gathering.

With Excitement and Terror.

Hello sister. I am excited. I am terrified.

In some ways it’s effortless to follow my WIL and in others ways it’s the hardest thing I can imagine doing. It’s power flows in my blood, pulling me like gravity. All that is left is to surrender…to let go of the safety mechanisms I have created to secure my sense of safety and comfort. Ha…that’s all.

When did this journey start? When I was born? Earlier? Later? Likely, it never started & will never end. Likely it just is. Like water, which transforms through many cycles: clouds, to rain, to rivers, to oceans, to clouds again (and so much in between), I am guessing my journey doesn’t begin or end, it cycles, perhaps, spirals.

My son, the last of three, headed to college a week ago today. No longer do I have a place I have to be, or a person I have to show up for. After 30 years, my entire adult life, my children are no longer the focus of my choices. I see the world opening to me in ways never has before.

Last week, on the table of my spiritual mentor, I saw a path before me.

I was waking into a day where I was meeting with sisters…and listening to them. YES. I would hear their stories of leadership, challenge, success, becoming, restoring, discovering, knowing. YES. I would share their stories with other women so that they too could become empowered to listen to their WIL and follow with courage and power. YES. I would be one sister in many, participating in and creating the web of connection, energy and power, weaving as I travelled across the globe from one spot on earth to another, from one woman to another, a web of feminine power, for a world of collaboration, connection and care to flourish.

blue goddess.jpg

But how?

My plan is to move my focus on “getting clients” and getting paid by the hour for my time, and instead focus on simply listening, writing, and connecting. SCARY! It means trusting my process. I like having financial security. I like knowing “if I work this many hours I will make this much money”. This path means not knowing. I HAVE to be financially successful. I HAVE to keep my focus on my listening and let that drive me. This sounds hard.

I have always put my children and my intimate relationships first in my decision processes. Now…I have to make this project matter. Will I have anyone in my life to come home to?

Will I have a home? I want to leave my home and go on the road. That idea is soooo crazy to me. Perhaps because I grew up without much stability, or sense of home, I have spent my entire adult life nurturing a home for my family to flourish in. Now, here I am, telling the world I am going to leave my home and live with no home except that which I carry in my heart. That’s terrifying and so out of my comfort and zone of experience…that…well I can’t even find words to describe it.

Terror and mind blowing excitement. This is how I know this is the perfect path for me. Because that’s what the beginning of a journey of power should be, terrifying and exciting. The terror is there because the stakes are high and I will have to become more than I currently am in order to succeed. The excitement is there because the stakes are high and I know the rewards are greater than I can imagine.

My dear sister…you are reading my words. In so doing you are on this path with me. Your story fuels me and all your sisters. What could you do which would push you beyond your comfort level, maybe even beyond what you think is possible, AND which would, if you could surrender to it, blow your mind, body and soul with excitement? What kind of support would you need to do that thing?

Richard Back said, “You are never given a dream without also being given the power to make it true. You may have to work for it, however.” We must let ourselves dream sister….sister…and then we must spend forever making those dreams come true.

With love and gratitude,


Special thanks to Verlyn, Angel Light, Intuitive Healer for her guidance over the years.